Grief, Healing & Never Forgetting

Unfortunately, we can’t decide when we lose our loved ones and we certainly can not prepare.

I don’t know everything about life nor do I, know about afterlife. I do know we will all endure it.

We can however, respect our departeds wishes through their final testament, some don’t have one. Some are chosen to make tough choices, step up and decide what they would have wanted. HONOUR THEIR LEGACY.

Make peace with yourself knowing you couldn’t have done anything to stop your angel growing their wings.

We must remember that we can never lose hope of an afterlife.

Afterlife resonates differently with people. For me, I dream of my loved ones watching over me in the sky above. Guiding me through my pain and struggles. When something positive happens I say “That’s me Nan that!”. A beautiful woman inside and out loved by so many. None of us will ever understand how much she loved each one of us.

Some struggle with grief more than others. Some manage it differently to others. Thats okay. It’s your grief, and your grief only. Don’t let anyone tell you what’s right or wrong!

Laugh/joke/smile/scream/cry but try and make peace with your heart and soul.

Let them live on through you (if your ready).

They may anyway.

Trust your heart and your intuition. You can make peace with yourself at the time of death, maybe 10 years later, maybe never. I would like to suggest a way of managing your grief though.

Is it possible to live on every day in memory of those you have lost?

It is for me. I don’t have the choices you currently need. I can only talk about my experiences. I think to myself, “What would my loved one want me to do!”. Would they honestly be happy watching over me struggling every single day?

I didn’t realise I’ve not grieved for my Nan who gained her wings 10 years ago. Very close to my birthday funnily enough, 3 days to be precise. I was 13. I had just become a teenager, an important milestone in a child’s life! I then had to lose My Nanny Phyllis.

I realised the other night that I never got to say a proper goodbye. My parents sheltered me from the intensity and devastation of such a loss. Was they right or wrong? I don’t know, but I believe they did what they thought was right for their children. Thank you x !

I do feel like I have grieved and healed now and I can start my life in honour of ‘The Late Great Phyllis (Cranley) Renshaw’. She will live on every day through me. That is my promise to her.

I have come to realise over the last week that I have bottled some grief up. It could have been mild broken heart syndrome (how do I know, I’m not a doctor). Close family members relate. I grieved a couple of nights ago. I never let go, nor did I move on. I made peace.

Someone eternally close to me related to my story & I don’t wish to sound too spiritual but we genuinely believe she was in the room. I swear!

For some they can never grieve. That’s fine too, like I say it is your grief. I can only talk about my experiences about learning to heal & make peace with myself.

Your grief, is different to mine.

You may have been young or you may have been further on in life. You probably still weren’t ready though. Are any of us?

You lost a paternal/maternal figure. Your patriarch (Father/Dad/Daddy) or your matriarch (Mother/Mum/Mummy).

Have you lost a partner you can’t go on without ? I can’t express that emotion as I’ve never lost a partner I loved dearly. I thought I did at the time but I don’t know right now. I hope your healing none the less.

Did you lose a brother, a sister, a friend? To me a sibling is a friend too. My sister is certainly one of my best friends. My little brother, he’s the coolest guy in the world and my light.

Did you have your light, hope, joy and future taken too early ? A beloved child who should have conquered the world and live and let live! How can anyone recover from that. They can’t. Their world, their future. Their baby.

To the world and beyond, I’m deeply sorry for your loss, but please try to heal and make peace with yourself. For you, your family & your dearest friends.

I have attached a couple of musical connections which I hope may help to heal you. Please check them out at the bottom of this piece. If you need too.

Sending love, peace, happiness & hope.

Written by

Thomas Lee McKee on behalf of the eternal inspiration of Phyllis Renshaw.

For more articles navigate the website with the button at the top of my page. Please feel free to share with anyone who may relate.

The inspirational Sir Elton John. How did this gracious gift perform so eloquently when he lost someone so dear ? He did it for her (Englands rose). Princess Diana (the heart and soul of our nation).
This song is by the beautiful Lana Del Rey. Young & beautiful is the name. Hopefully healing is your aim x
Feel free to connect with this idyllic setting, poetic lyrics and exquisite song. If your ready. X

Study the lyrics and share this with someone who may need it. Engage with me via Twitter or Instagram by clicking the icons below. I think you can comment on this post too. I’m still working this out x.

2 responses to “Grief, Healing & Never Forgetting”

  1. Catherine mcneill Avatar
    Catherine mcneill

    Thomas what beautiful words you have brought me to tears today. I too have suffered the loss of my best friend my grandma Dee who I cared for when she was dying. You never ever get over that loss you learn to deal with the loss a bit better each day. Recently well three years ago next week, I lost my dad, another devastating grief but like you I choose to focus on “what would he say? How would he deal with this? What would he think about me being so upset? And that really helps. Locking the grief away definitely doesn’t help, ignoring it trying to forget also doesn’t work so you are doing the right thing by facing it. Look at the seven steps of grief that has really helped me and explained why I feel angry some days sad the next.
    Speak with people who have suffered the same grief as you share your thoughts and feelings it all helps Thomas. Keep being your true authentic self keep sharing your feelings and connecting with people and reach out when the grief overwhelms you when the bad days are too much the “grief club” is a unique club you don’t ever want to be a member of, but when you join you always find someone who has been on your journey to share your thoughts and feelings with and I’m always here for you xxx

    1. Thank you Catherine. Love your detailed response and connection to my and my families grief. We’ll meet again don’t know where don’t know when 🎼……… some sunny day 🌅

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